Top 5: Jerk-Off Technique GIFs

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Sorry guys, I know how much you all love pussy, but this post is chock-full of cocks. Actually, it’s one cock over and over again. Don’t worry, Bucky said it was okay. Oh, I don’t mean this is Bucky’s cock (as far as I know he doesn’t have the underside of his dick pierced)… just that he approved this post even if it is full of cock. Ha-ha! I just want to keep writing cock.

Cock.

Okay, I’m done. Maybe.

Anyway, yesterday I wrote about Wikipedia’s epic “autofellatio” battle, which brought to my attention the existence of Wikimedia Commons; an open source media file repository filled to the brim with cock pictures and cock GIFs.

Seriously, have you ever looked at so much pussy you’re like “OMG, I cannot look at one more picture lest my brain implode”? No. Well, I kind of feel that way about dick right now. Soooo much dick.

I tried to do a Wiki Commons search for pussy, but all I got were diagrams and pictures of “pussy willow” — some kind of plant or something. Apparently, exhibitionism in the name of education is a male dominated field, which means that you’re stuck with animated pics of dick today. No “Top 5: Jilling-Off GIFs” for you.

There is one Wiki Commons user that is particularly determined when it comes to posting pics and GIFs of his cock; a Dutch fellow by the username of Luemmel. He was even kind enough to upload multiple GIFs of a variety of masturbation techniques. Oh, the things you learns on the Internet.

5. The Backhand Method

A variation on the good ol’ fist method. Kind of feels like someone else is giving you a handy, since they’re coming at you in the opposite direction.


4. The Crown Handle Method

Clearly, this guy isn’t circumcised.

3. The Forefinger Banging Method

A much more efficient way of road testing for drunkenness. Forget touching your nose with your finger. The real trick is touching your bellybutton with the tip of your cock.

2. The Campfire Method

Remind anyone of those Boy Scout camping trips?

1. The Swinging Cock Method

Fun or dangerous? Pretty sure this is how someone gets poked in the eye with a dick.

Bonus:  Ever wonder what it looks like when you cum into a Fleshlight?

Ta-da! Magic. Now, you know.

Via commons.wikimedia.org

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